From M-W.com:
WORK
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English werk, work, from Old English werc, weorc; akin to Old High German werc work, Greek ergon, Avestan var&zem activity
1 : activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something: a : sustained physical or mental effort to overcome obstacles and achieve an objective or result b : the labor, task, or duty that is one's accustomed means of livelihood c : a specific task, duty, function, or assignment often being a part or phase of some larger activity
Work can be a lot of things. It's can tiring. It can be exhilirating. It can be challenging. It can be rewarding. It can be frustrating.
I'm experiencing all of thse things in the various "work" I do each day at home, at my job, etc. It's very possible that the "work" is getting in the way of me actually enjoying a lot of things at the moment. Finishing tasks is exciting. Stqrting new ones is fun. The time to completion is what is driving me a bit crazy. That and the fact that, at the moment, I feel like I've lost control of a number of things.
Spiritually speaking, I should be glad for the reminders that I am not in control. I fully accept that God is in control, and that my attempts to wrestle control into my own hands is like asking to take over the helm of a very large ship where I cannot see the surrounding waters, let alone the horizon.
That said, I'm still suffering from the pervasive human condition that I need to have control. I need to know things will get done. I need to know that others will do the tings they've said they will do. I need to know that my anxiety and frustration will go away. I also need to learn to say NO when I just simply do not have time to do something else.
So, how do I learn to get past the aggrivation? We'll I'm sure there are plenty of answers people could offer, but I have to agree, believe, and take it on, not just passively hear the responses. I've gotten over the "co-dependence" days of the 90's and moved into the "enabling" behavio of the new decade.
Enabling. Sounds good, right? It's not. It's basically me taking on all the stuff others will not do, simply because I have this feeling that it will not get done if I don't do it. How it this "enabling" you might ask... well, if others don't actually want to do something, and get me to do it, AND I then take it on, rather than getting them to actually do the things they need to do, that's enabling. It's me effectively telling the others that it's OK for you to slough your work off on me, because I will do it, rather then telling you that YOU need to do it.
It's very frustrating. I think of what it was like when I was living in my apartment. I could keep my space clean pretty easily, but the roommate might not have the same notion of what "keep the kitchen clean" means. So, rather than asking the roommate to take care of the dishes, I'd do it, even if ALL the dishes were dirty and I had not used even one of them. I figured it was part of the "roommate deal" that you share responsibilities. Apparently, my behavior did nothing more than make me frustrated and upset, and I'm still carrying that with me.
So, I'm working on turning this situation around. I'm hoping I'm strong enough to step out of the enabler role and stay there. To make sure others get their stuff done, to make sure they take their responsibility seriously. All the stuff I take on is probably just a response to my feeling that nothing ever gets done... odd that I would take on 10 more things when the first 2 are falling behind.
Time to make a change and SOON.
2005. Wow.
This year will be a busy year, I think. Baby #2 is due in late July. Colin and Tara are getting married in August. Work, work, work... not just with my extensive marketing communications workload at Fair Isaac, but also with improvements to the house (getting ready for baby #2 will involve moving the guestroom space to another part of the house), possible landscaping, and more. I'm really looking forward to all of the things that are in the works.
So, since it's the time of year when we all make resolutions (even considering that I don't like to make "Resolutions" each New Year), I've decided that in 2005, I will:
Ok, so I have grown into a "list person" over the last few years. Somehow it's just satisfying to cross things off the list... especially when the list is huge and filled with things I need to do and things I want to do.
Happy 2005!