mek.highcroft.com

Greetings and Salutations a la Mr. Lewis

E-mail in Mr. Lewis Essay format. The original message is at the bottom of the post. From an e-mail conversation with Tony Y:

-----Original Message-----
From: Anthony Yezzi
To: Kelly, Matthew E (Matt)
Subject: Re: Tony!

This is great!!! I am definitely saving this one.

Tony

Ooops, I forgot that I was the temporarily transcarnated spirit of Mr. Lewis. Ahem.....

Mr. Kelly,

This is much more representative of your true abilities Mr. Kelly. Were it not for your impudent resorting to immature footnotes, I would have undoubtedly rewarded your scholarship with the highly illusive "perfect score on a Mr. Lewis essay" -- a rare honor reserved only for those most deserving and most willing to completely abandon their individuality and conform themselves entirely to my superhumanly perfect image. Alas, however Mr. Kelly, you have clearly fallen short of this most virtuous endeavor. Yet, as a demonstration of my unparalleled benevolence, a profound grace which I often bestow upon many of my lesser, undeserving, merely mortal students, I will reward your recent effort with the less illusive but nevertheless highly coveted "high score on a Mr. Lewis essay". You will receive 45 out of 50 points and be grateful that I have given them to you.
That will be all Mr. Kelly.

The great and powerful,
Mr. Lewis

> Dear Mr. Lewis,
>
> In light of the fact that, in recent years, attention spans have
> decreased dramatically, my essay was written in "literary-bites" (akin
> to audio sound-bites), for the sake of brevity, not clarity. For this,
> I am sorry.
>
> In an effort to redeem myself in your all-seeing eyes, I submit the
> following:
>
>
>
> To gain a more through understanding of the recent events and
> circumstances surrounding the person of Anthony Yezzi, three questions
> must be answered. First, what is a proper salutation to be used in
> communicating between good friends; second, was the "gig" of recent
> days commensurate with Anthony's expectations; and third, what turn of
> phrase can be used to convey well-wishes for a fowl-based National
> holiday in modern America? The answers to these questions are of
> critical importance as we seek greater knowledge of Anthony Yezzi.
>
> The burgeoning field of linguistic study continues to demonstrate the
> variety of interpersonal communication (1). Salutations are found in
> all homosapien languages, and provide initial context to the nature of
> a given conversation (2). In communications between good friends
> (defined as a cordial, mutual relationship between two living
> entities), a simple yet effective salutation in the English language
> is "Hello!" is a common introduction and invitation to further
> discourse. This brief, monosyllabic vocalization offers a variety of
> meanings, the most well understood of which is that of a simple,
> cordial greeting (3). As "Hello" is both a casual and proper
> salutation, it can be used between good friends, and is appropriate in
> its use between Anthony Yezzi and Matthew Kelly, who consider
> themselves to be friends.
>
> Often simple, friendly, salutations are followed by more direct
> inquiry, and invite the individual conversants to respond by sharing
> information that is personal. In order for the participants to
> converse comfortably, it is helpful if all participants have knowledge
> of recent events. An excellent example of direct inquiry, when used
> with Anthony Yezzi during the current month would be, "I understand
> that you were recently invited to entertain the guests of a prominent
> restauranteur in the Atlanta, Georgia, metropolitan area. Was the
> event commensurate with your expectations and those of the
> restauranteur?" As demonstrated in this sample, only through direct
> inquiry can we obtain specific information without involving outside
> parties.
>
> Participation in a conversation of this nature may last several
> seconds or longer. Often, salutations are traded between participants,
> who then move onto direct inquiry and rejoinder, seeking knowledge of
> the events and circumstances in the life of a particular participant.
> Topics range from the simple to the complex, from the lively to the
> morbid. As specific, common events are discussed, mutual understanding
> is obtained. Conversation may turn to anti-climactic topics, often
> ivolving the weather (4), when requests for specific information have
> been filled. The act of valediction is completed through a variety of
> "ritualistic" farewell actions and words. For conversational
> participants not in the same locale, valediction can be either
> perfunctory or enthusiastic. If common future events are known,
> exclamation of farewell may include abbreviated references to those
> events. Examples include, "Have a Happy New Year," "Enjoy your
> vacation," "Call your mother," and "Happy Thanksgiving." (5) While
> these valedictory statements may not always be syntactically or
> grammatically correct, they convey general well wishes shared between
> the participant friends.
>
> While the person of Anthony Yezzi is difficult to fully comprehend,
> greater understanding and insight can be gained through inquiry and
> study. Specifically, by inviting his response through friendly
> conversation in a common language, we can obtain important information
> regarding events and circumstances in which he is immersed.
>
>
> (1) Footnotes are really a pain in the rear, and I did not actually
> think you would be reading this.
> (2) Really, I'm not going to fill in these footnotes. Stop reading
> them.
> (3) Fine. Keep reading them. Maybe something will interest you.
> (4) Snow. Lots of it. Unless you are in Atlanta. Or Brazil. Or Cuba.
> (5) Examples also include "Open yourself a can of Whoopass," "See you on
> The Island," or "DUDE!"
>
> Mr. Lewis,
>
> I hope this submission is more to your liking than my first draft. I
> appreciate your feedback and willingness to educate me through your
> constructive criticism. Please consider this my final version, and
> grade it accordingly.
>
> Yours Respectfully,
> Matthew Emerson Kelly

> Mr. Kelly,
>
> I am afraid you have exhibited very poor, extremely poor, essay
> writing skills. You started out with an introduction summarizing the
> main three points of your essay (saying hello, asking about the gig,
> and bidding happy thanksgiving). I therefore had high hopes and
> expections for you, young man. However, things started to go downhill
> from there. In the body, you are supposed to elaborate on these main
> three points. However, your sentences were not complete ("Hello!" and
> "Happy Thanksgiving" contain neither subjects nor verbs). Your
> inroduction was actually longer than your body. You get 9/10 for the
> introduction (-1 point for not putting "HELLO" in quotes), but 5/30
> for the body. Finally, Mr. Kelly, you did not include a conclusion in
> which you recapitulate the main points made in the body of your essay.
> Thus, 0/10 for the conclusion. This gives a grand total of 14 points
> out of 50, a strong F! It will be highlight sheets for you over
> thanksgiving young man!
>
> Mr. Lewis

>>Kelly, Matthew E (Matt) wrote:
>>Meeeeester Yezzi, how are you?
>>I wanted to say HELLO!, ask how your Restaurant Singing
>>gig went, and to wish you a happy thanksgiving!
>>
>>Hello!
>>How was the grand restaurant entertainment experience?
>>HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
>>
>>No, seriously, I was thinking of you this morning,
>>and just wanted to send a note to my good friend Tony (that's you).
>>
>>I hope all is well, that your plans for the holidays will give you
>>some time at home, and that your turkey is HUGE.
>>
>>I'm working today and tomorrow, but have a nice long
>>weekend coming up.
>>
>>Speaking of work, I'd better get back to it!
>>Talk to you soon, I hope!
>>
>>Take care,
>>Matt K

Michael Jackson in the News

Michael Jackson has been in the news a lot lately, and it's not good news. Embroiled in another legal battle involving alleged impropreiety with a minor... Anyway, I've heard a lot about Michael Jackson's home in California, so I just did a simple search on Mapquest and Terraserver to see if I could actually see satellite images of it...
TerraServer imagery
or
Mapquest imagery

The "King of Pop" certainly has a substantial uphill if he hopess to repair his public image.

Too bad, I say, since his music helped define american "popular" music for more than a decade. I don't own any MJ albums, but I did enjoy some of the music back when it was still on the radio.

Lessons Learned from This Old House

If you have eveer seen This Old House on TV, you may have been amazed at the incredible professionalism and scale of their projects. The projects they take on are not your average homeowner-type, do-it-yourself remodel.

I've loved watching TOH since I was a kid and TOH was a New England only, non-syndicated show on WGBH in Boston. The on-site workmanship was incredible, the show was fun to watch, and it was often more interesting and engaging than the cartoons on during the same time slot. Anyway, I recently began subscribing to This Old House magazine, and I've enjoyed the stories, tips, and gawking at the remodelling projects that cost more than my current home.

I was glad to see that even the professionals on TOH learned some of their lessons in the school of hard knocks, just like the rest of us. In a recent issue (some of which is now available online) the TOH folks recount stories of lessons learned the hard way. I'm happy to say that the hard lessons I have learned have gone a long way in teaching me both what TO do and what NOT to do in home improvement. The list is too long to write, but I'll say this:

Plan to go a little bit over budget (so plan accordingly), make sure you are using all the safety equipment (really), and get someone to help whenever you think you need it (not after the first accident or hernia has arrived).

It's easy to read up on how to do something (even if it is incredibly complex), but sometimes the application of the new knowledge is best tried out on a small scale. I love learning about home improvement, and I'm happy wih the knowledge that even the pros have done some pretty stupid things -- but that they learned enough from their experience that we don't (necessarily) have to do the same things they did. I'm also lucky enough to have a few very handy relatives who don't mind my questions, and who enjoy teaching me how to do things myself -- and who don't get angry when I need an over-the-phone lesson on how to light the pilot on the new waterheater at six in the morning.

Our next home improvement project will probably be updating our breezeway, stripping all the country-blue paint, refinishing the wood moulding and trimwork, and removing all the layers of wallpaper. We may wait until spring to start, however, since the breezeway is probably the most high-traffic area in the house. I guess that gives me plenty of time to plan, and several more issues of TOH to read before I start.

Glitch in the Matrix

Also from TheForce.net, for your viewing pleasure, it's A Glitch in the Matrix. Enjoy.

Crazy Watto

From TFN Fan Films, it's Crazy Watto!

Excellent Service

It's a wonderful feeling to hire a contractor and find that the work they do surpasses all expectations.

Last week, I hired a contractor to finish and texture the ceiling in our kitchen and dining room. I am absolutely impressed both by his excellent workmanship, and his high standards. Not only did he complete the work faster than he initially planned, he suggested some other small fixes and completed them all within the original timeframe. Our kitchen now only needs the flooring installed and a fresh coat of paint to make it a fully completed remodel.

It's unfortunate that meeting expectations is something we hope for, and not something we can count on. The work done last week was such a vast departure from the last contractors we hired (aargh, don't even get me started on that one) that I am contemplating writing a letter to our local paper to get the work out about the great service we received. I'm a believer in promoting businesses that maintain high standards, and this one definitely impressed me.